It seems to me I've been here before, but maybe I've only become better at distracting myself. Recently recognizing that my mind and the way it works is a terribly far cry from the life I've got and how I should be. I disgust myself. I'm insanely selfish. Anything I care about is simply an attachment I've formed in the process of trying to make myself feel better. Anyone I care about I ruin. Whether they're aware of it or not, the relationship will at one point or another either hurt them if they can't gather the sense to leave or be ruined upon my behalf. This is evident with my parents mainly. I can find few ways in which they could be any better parents. The good that they want for me, the opportunities they've set for me.. And I do what? Shove it in there faces, daily. I know how to treat people because of them, yes. But the choices I've made and things that I've done would tear them apart. I take absolutely everything I've got in life for granted.
